


This Leap's For You

by Pfain Ryder (Cat_Moon)



Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-06-29 06:45:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Pfain%20Ryder
Summary: As leap-ins go, this one was... unexpected, shocking even. And when Sam finds out where he is and what he has to do, it turns out to be the most difficult leap of his life. Things are harder in hindsight. Does he have the strength he needs to break Al's heart? Everything happens for a reason.





	This Leap's For You

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 1993

There were embarrassing leap-ins and uncomfortable leap-ins. And I'd leaped into the middle of sex before...but it hadn't prepared me for this.

Awareness came suddenly, and with urgency. One fact after another slammed into my startled brain, too fast for me to deal with any of it coherently. It was dark and it hurt, were my first, fleeting thoughts. Something was pinning me down...

I arched in panic, a cry of pain escaping my lips at the searing heat. I was flat on my back, with the thrusting hardness inside of me and the man's harsh breathing close in my ear telling me things I didn't want to know.

I desperately tried to think of a way to escape my imprisonment. The terror threatened to overwhelm me, growing out of proportion and out of control.

At my cry, the movement stopped. A hand rubbed my chest soothingly, as I tried to calm myself. My panic wasn't helping the situation. I was being fucked by a man, and, I had an instinctive feeling--not to mention the fact my legs were being supported by someone's broad shoulders-- _as_ a man. In a moment he'd probably continue to...

"Shh..." a quiet voice murmured, hand moving lower to rub my trembling stomach knowingly. I took a few deep breaths, trying to get used to the inevitable and calm my racing heart. What he was doing was actually working, I felt my muscles gradually relax.

"Easy, baby..." the man crooned in a voice...oh god, a voice I knew well.

"Al!" I exclaimed with a sharp intake of breath and a jolt of shock which renewed my fear, even as it inadvertently caused his cock to slid a little deeper inside of me.

I whimpered with feelings I didn't want to put names to, didn't recognize.

A feeling of unreality stole over me. This situation couldn't be happening. I desperately wanted to know who I'd leaped into. Al was having a relationship with a man? I felt like I was going to go out of my mind if I didn't figure out what was going on—immediately.

_I'm in bed with Al!_

"Relax," he whispered in my ear, then his tongue trailed down the hollow underneath. I shivered despite myself. His mouth moved on to my chest, licking a nipple, while a warm hand grasped my cock. His touch was gentle but incessant, and I couldn't help my response. I felt my cock harden, helpless against Al's expert caresses.

Then he was moving again. The reality of what was happening overwhelmed me. A million questions buzzed around my head like bees, but I couldn't focus on anything other than what was going on in my body.

The incredible sensation washing over me was like none I'd ever experienced before, too intense to describe. The small part of my scientific mind still functioning, noted with a vague interest that the stories I'd heard from gay friends about the wonders of the prostrate gland didn't begin to cover the actual feelings. The fact that it was Al causing this storm of passion added a piercing joy.

I felt myself nearing the edge as Al's pace became harder, faster, deeper...then he came, and I felt his orgasm with my whole body and soul.

"Ah, Sam!" he cried out.

The use of my name stunned me anew, bypassing my brain and heading straight for my groin. It triggered my own violent release.

This time when I cried out, it was in pleasure.

When I became aware of what was going on around me again, Al was pulling the blanket up over us. I welcomed it; I could feel the chill set in as my over-heated body cooled off.

His hand grasped my chin and turned my face toward him. A heartbeat later, his soft lips were touching mine, and I was finally kissing Al.

_Finally?_

I felt my whole soul getting into the act, and let it happen.

When we drew apart, Al kissed my shoulder. "You were real tense tonight, Sam," he commented, brushing back the sweat-soaked hair from my face.

The repeat use of my name sobered me somewhat, convincing me it hadn't been a dream or faulty hearing. I'd leaped into...myself. Suddenly, I needed more information, and breathing space to think.

"I--gotta go," I mumbled hurriedly, hastily getting out of the bed.

Either by luck, or some instinct I wasn't aware of, I headed for the bathroom unerringly and closed the door behind me with a sigh of relief. I turned on the light--knowing exactly where it was--and squinted at the harsh glare.

When I could see again, I stared at the reflection in the mirror. It confirmed my earlier findings--it was my own face that stared back. My body, sweat-soaked and sticky.

_Is this real?_

Next I glanced around the room wildly for more information. There were two toothbrushes on the sink. Two brands of shampoo in the shower. Two different, familiar brands of men's cologne in the cabinet. And, if I needed more proof, two robes hanging side by side on the door.

I yanked open the medicine cabinet, rooting around until I found a bottle of Ibuprofen, and scanned the label. The expiration date was September 1999. Which meant, I'd probably leaped in somewhere between 1995 and 1999.

But it wasn't '96, '97', '98, or '99, because I'd spent those years...

So it was somewhere around the time I first stepped into the Accelerator.

I couldn't deal with all those implications at the moment. I was home, and Al was in the next room, real and substantial. Suddenly all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed with him.

So I did just that.

As I slipped back into bed, his arms immediately gathered me close. A pain I couldn't identify squeezed my heart, and I hugged him tightly. Then I reached out a wondering hand, placing my palm against his chest. It was real, warm and sweaty yet from earlier passion. As I breathed deep I could smell the story of what we'd done: the long forgotten smell of Al, and the clinging wisp of sex mingling together. It finally registered in my mind. This was real.

My hand moved further down, into the stickiness I'd left on his stomach, rubbing it in. It made me a part of Al...and he was a part of me. I found that I liked the thought. A lot. "Oh, Al..."

Al grabbed my hand and kissed it, drawing me close again. "Get some sleep," he whispered into my ear. "We've got a busy day tomorrow."

I lay there for a few moments, just enjoying the feel of him in my arms, mind drifting. My limbs throbbed from exertion, and there was a not-unpleasant throb of used anal muscles. I felt...languid, relaxed...even if I was in the middle of an insane leap.

Al's quiet breathing evened out, and I knew he was asleep.

_Now what?_

I felt sleep tugging at me, and was tempted to obey it. Then, as if in answer to my question, I heard Al's quiet voice.

"Sam?"

It hadn't come from the man next to me.

A fresh batch of panic sprouted in my insides, though I knew not why. A strange embarrassment froze my vocal cords.

"Sam?" the hologram repeated. "Wake up!"

I gripped the body in my arms tighter and kept my eyes shut. _There's nobody home._

"Sam?!" the impatient voice grew louder.

I couldn't face him and I suddenly knew why. Al and I were...had been lovers before I leaped. I'd Swiss-cheesed it. Not only that, but I'd deserted him...his lover had stepped into the Accelerator and disappeared from his life. I'd done that to _Al_ , the man who would do anything for me. Regret left a bitter bile in my mouth.

"Sam, I know you're awake."

"Go away, Al," I pleaded, conversely holding the Al in my arms a little tighter.

"Well, that's better," he rambled on. "Okay, let's--" he stopped abruptly. "Go away?" he squeaked as if just hearing it.

_Go away, Al. I can't deal with you now._

When I kept silent, the hologram continued. "This is serious business, Sam, we gotta talk."

No matter how you looked at it, it was going to be a bad leap. I couldn't answer him.

After a long silence, he said quietly, "You're pissed at me for not telling you, is that it?"

Was I so much of a bastard to him, that would be the first conclusion he'd reach? "No, I'm not pissed at you," I told him.

The Al in bed shifted at the sound of my voice, mumbling incoherently and nuzzling into my neck.

Another period of silence, then a sigh. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way...I'm sorry you had to find out."

Another knife in my gut. "Please, Al," I whispered, "I can't deal with this now..."

There was an even longer silence. Finally, I heard him sigh in defeat. "I'll see you in the morning, Sam," he said, and I heard the sound of the Imaging Chamber door.

I closed my eyes and my mind, and just held Al.

XXX

Sun was streaming in the window when consciousness and I became re-acquainted. I stretched, groaning as my abused, Swiss-cheesed body protested last night's surprise. My eyes snapped open as the fog of sleep slipped away, and I glanced around quickly. There wasn't an Al in sight.

I realized the shower was running, pinpointing at least one Al's whereabouts. Which one, wasn't difficult to figure out.

And why the hell was I in such a good mood?!

I wiped the grin off my face as the thought alone cleared my head, reminding me of all the nasty little implications this leap held. For even if I had leaped into myself, it was a leap, just a leap. Only a leap. Maybe if I kept reminding myself...

_It's a leap. But it's real. Al and I..._

I was still having trouble grasping the reality of that fact. Intellectually, that is. The rest of me seemed to have no trouble with the concept.

Al didn't seem inclined to give me the time necessary to grapple with it. The shower shut off, and a moment later he came out, wrapped in a plush red towel.

Looking at him, standing there, all I could think of was time. The time we'd spent together that I still couldn't remember. But especially the time he'd spend alone, the time we wouldn't have, because of me. Regardless of how my Swiss-cheese brain felt, to Al, I was his lover.

Or...just another of the people who deserted him.

I scrambled out of bed, pulling him close, suddenly needing to make up to him for all the pain I was going to cause. I squeezed my eyes closed to stifle the tears.

"Gonna be late..." Al murmured, accepting and tightening the embrace.

"Why don't we just take the morning off, spend it together, just the two of us," I suggested. Somehow, my brazen hands took it upon their own initiative to loosen the towel he wore.

Al pulled away slightly, hand going up to my forehead. "Are you feeling all right?"

"I just wanna spend some time alone with you." I pressed closer against his damp body, lips grazing his neck. _Didn't take you long to get into the swing of things, did it?_ I thought to myself distractedly.

The fact that for the first time in five years, the person with me wanted to be with _me_ , didn't help any, either.

With his usual impeccable timing, my hologram chose then to show up. "It's time for that talk, Sam!"

"How about it?" I asked the solid...deliciously solid Al.

"You really want to stay home this morning?" he asked me.

"Sam! We _really_ need to talk," the hologram insisted, in that annoyingly grating voice he gets when he figures I'm not listening to him.

I heaved a put-upon sigh. "I'll tell you what, I'll call the Project and tell them we won't be in until sometime this afternoon, then take a shower. You fix us a big breakfast...and I'll provide desert."

I let Al go, keeping his hand until last minute, giving him a seductive gaze.

Al paused at the doorway, a promising twinkle in his eye. "I don't know what disease you have, but I hope it's incurable."

"Was I that much of a party-pooper?" I asked the hologram quietly as I stared at the closing door.

"You were..." he paused as if deciding what he should say, when he spoke again his voice was softer. The kind that gives you goose bumps. At least it did me. "You were a terrific lover. You just tended to be a workaholic sometimes."

Were. The use of the past tense sounded so...final. "Sometimes?" I asked incredulously. Almost looking at him.

Al shrugged, a small grin playing at the corner of his mouth as he gazed almost fondly at the computer terminal that was conveniently placed at the foot of our bed. "It was okay. It was always easy to...lure you away from the computer."

The part of my mind that was still Swissed was amazed at the type of conversation I was calmly, casually having with Al. My best friend. About our...sex life.

Al seemed to reach the same conclusion. Suddenly he was ill at ease. "What exactly...I mean, how much do you remember?"

More guilt piled on top of me. "Not much," I hedged.

"Give me a break here, Sam," he said impatiently.

"Nothing," I admitted, carefully keeping my gaze turned away.

"You don't remember this at all?" he asked incredulously.

"No, I don't. I should! But I don't," I cried with frustration. "I'm sorry, Al."

"You mean you don't remember us...and you want to be with me anyway?"

I had to turn away from the hope and pain I saw in those eyes. "What's going on, Al? Why am I here?"

"Ziggy's having kittens over this one," he commented, obviously having pulled himself together. "He doesn't know why you're here." Al's voice lowered. "But he says it isn't to stop yourself from leaping."

_Great. Fine. Al always gets the special end of the stick, doesn't he?_

I finally turned to face him. "Because of all those people I helped," I said quietly.

"I know." He nodded, not looking at me.

"How close am I?" I asked. Not that I really wanted to know...Not that I had a choice.

"You step into the Accelerator tomorrow night." The pain was in his voice too now, and I wanted to run away from it, at least cover my ears and eyes. But I'd played dumb for long enough. I couldn't run away from Al this time.

Then, with those great leaps of insight I've been known for, the pieces started falling into place. "But there are things Ziggy wouldn't know." I pinned him with a searching gaze. "What aren't you telling me?"

Al sighed, seemed to be looking for a chair to sit on. Finally he gave up and shoved his hands in his pockets. "It's no big deal."

"What?" I pressed.

"We...had a fight. One of our more vicious ones. We still weren't talking when you...I always thought maybe..."

I stared at him in dawning comprehension. "You thought that's why I did it." It was part question, part statement. "Oh Al," I sighed, voice breaking slightly. I reached out a hand...let it fall to my side. "You know me better than that. You know why I did it. Why I had to."

"I had a cat once," Al began as if he hadn't heard me. "The only real pet I ever had, it was while we were living with my Dad. One day I was trying to plant this peach pit in the yard, to see if it would grow and he--the cat, his name was Randy--kept pestering me. I yelled at him and chased him away." Al paused. "He got hit by a car the next day. I always remembered my last words to him were said in anger."

"I'm not dead, Al," I said gently. But for him, I guess I was, in a way. That knowledge was just about too much for me. The tears slid down my cheeks before I could stop them.

"You could change it," Al told me, looking at me the way he had when he was begging me to get Beth back for him. I really lost it then.

"I love you!" I told him vehemently. It wasn't much I suppose. But the me who said it wasn't the me who'd been living with him. This me was lost and alone and afraid. And just realizing how much I gave up on with a foolish stunt that could have killed me.

Like it was killing Al...

I suddenly developed a severe case of claustrophobia. I began pacing the room to alleviate it, fighting down last night's unreasonable panic all over again. "What did we fight about?" I asked to swerve the subject onto safer things.

"The usual," he replied haltingly. I could tell it wasn't easy for him to relate. "You were working too much, stubborn and impatient with things. The more it looked like we wouldn't get additional funding, the more impossible to live with you became. I finally got fed up and...

and told you the Project wasn't _everything_."

I closed my eyes in dread.

"You didn't take to that remark very well. You told me it was." He paused yet again, seeming to brace himself before going on. "I walked out. Started sleeping in my office." He laughed, with little real mirth. "Where I still am to this day."

"Why?" I whispered, too overwhelmed by facts, and taking refuge in minor details.

Al shrugged. "It's close, and convenient. I don't have to fight Socorro rush hour traffic every day."

I managed a weak chuckle. "Socorro _traffic?!_ "

"You're still Swiss-cheesed," Al told me.

Little pieces started filling in, slowly. The last days before I leaped were hectic as hell. There were about a million things to be done before we were ready to test the Accelerator, of which a couple hundred was all I'd had a chance to do before I leaped. Now I had to spend quality time with Al and prevent us from arguing...while also making sure everything that had gotten done originally got done this time too. Challenge was an understatement.

"Oh boy..." I mumbled.

"Huh?" he started and looked up at me, as if he'd been deep in his own thoughts.

"I'm starting to remember. It's not going to be easy. But I promise, Al. I won't leave like that again."

"That might not be why you're here," he said grudgingly.

"Then I'll make time for that, too," I promised.

I was beginning to realize why I was Swiss cheesed. It was to prevent me from remembering what a rotten person I'd been. I came to this conclusion after the hologram had left and I'd made a brief phone call and grabbed a quick shower.

I came out into the kitchen dressed only in a pair of jeans. The top button was thoughtfully undone.

Al smiled in surprise at what he saw. "Sure you want to stay home?" he asked again, with a tone in his voice that told me he fully expected I'd changed my mind again.

"Why don't we have breakfast in bed?" I suggested instead.

XXX

I found it wasn't all that difficult to do right by Al. The hard part was actually bringing myself to go to work. Somewhere along the line the shock had worn off, and I'd realized I was home. In my own house, safe with someone who loved me.

 _Home._ The word kept repeating in my head, like a mantra. I just wanted to hide in the sanctuary of Al's arms and never come out. I was scared to death to set foot inside the Project. Scared to face those people, scared I wouldn't be able to find the courage I needed to do what I had to.

Scared I wouldn't be able to leave Al...this time.

I lay there staring at the abstract patterns made by the shadow of the sun falling on the stucco ceiling, clad in only sweat and semen and another naked body. Breakfast had been...filling. Now, sated, I contemplated my situation gravely, as Al relaxed quietly in my arms.

Twist of fate, whim of destiny. What, I insisted on asking myself, if the only thing that had enabled me to step into the Accelerator in the first place, was the fight with Al? Anger mixing with the desperation I'd felt, until it was easy to take that final step? I didn't feel a hell of a lot of desperation to leap right then. The betrayal I'd felt at Al saying our dream didn't matter wasn't even a faded memory, it was no memory at all. And the only desperation I felt was the same I'd felt for the whole five years--to go home. To stay home.

_You've asked some difficult things of me. But this...I don't know if I can do this one._

Anxiety twisted my stomach until I could stand it no longer. The peace of the afterglow was broken, and I was angered at that.

I eased myself out of Al's embrace. "I gotta go," I explained softly, closing the bathroom door between us a moment later.

I needed advice. Help. Someone to talk to. It was bizarre, Al was right there in the next room and it wasn't enough. I needed Al.

I'd been sitting on the toilet lid for about five minutes when the hologram decided to show. "What are you doing in here?" he asked in genuine surprise.

"Hiding," I told him shortly.

"From what?" he asked, eyes narrowed.

I sighed. "Al, what am I gonna do?" I looked up at him pleadingly. "I want--"

Al cut me off. "I know," he said gently. "Me too." He stared at his feet, and I knew I'd get no help with my decision from him. Did I have the right to ask that of him?

Or, maybe that was exactly what I should do... I filed the thought away for later.

"Any more data from Ziggy?" I asked.

Al shook his head. "He thinks our guess is as good as any. He says...he says you're here to do something for me for a change. Isn't that a laugh? This leaps for me," he gave what was supposed to be a laugh, but it didn't come near to qualifying.

"I'll do my best," I promised him. What else could I say? My best, where he was concerned, didn't seem to be very good.

"Sam--" he began, looking very very serious. "Listen, if you think you have to...I mean, if I start something and you get mad..."

"Just say it," I advised.

Al sighed. "I'd rather history repeat itself exactly than...than lose you to another timeline change."

I stared at him in comprehension. "I caused... _this_ , by changing a timeline? Us?"

Al grinned slightly. "No, we were lovers. Then you wiped it out, and there were several other timelines...I finally got you back."

I was horrified. "What kind of timelines?" I demanded.

Al shook his head. "Can't tell you that. Besides, forget them. They never existed."

"Al, if I ever change this again, I want you to promise me you'll tell me about it."

"Sam," he warned. "How can I--"

"I want us to have a chance..." I let it trail off, in fear of saying the wrong thing. After all, what life did we have while I was lost in time? And would we ever have one? "Just promise me you'll tell me," I finished.

Al didn't answer.

"Promise," I insisted.

"All right, I promise!" he almost shouted.

There was a period of silence, on both sides.

"Why did you put up with me?" I finally asked in genuine curiosity.

"Ah, hell..." Al rubbed a hand through his hair. "I figured who was I to talk? I blew more than one marriage by putting my career first. So I understood you. I tried, anyway," he added.

"You're the only one who ever did," I murmured quietly. Then, I finally thought to wonder about something else. "Al... I'm in the Waiting Room!"

He smiled with affectionate patience. "You think?"

"How am I taking it? I mean, you could--"

Al cut me off. "We're handling it," he said in a curt tone. The rare one which brooked no debate, and Swiss-cheesed as I was, I knew to leave it be for now.

"Sam?" Al's voice came from the other room. "You okay in there?"

"I'd better go," the hologram told me. "Good luck." With those parting words, he stepped through the doorway before I had time to say anything else.

XXX

So little time... I couldn't ever remember it moving so fast. I went about my tasks at the Project in a kind of stupor, while trying desperately to burn every private moment with Al into my memory so indelibly I'd never Swiss-cheese it again. I was afraid to think about what I was doing, scared I wouldn't be able to go through with it. Instead, I tried to keep the faces I'd helped in my mind. Samantha, Jimmy, Captain Galaxy--how many, hundreds?--people who's lives would be ruined, or would be dead, if I let them down. I couldn't let them down...

So I had to let Al down.

At least Al seemed to be in a good mood, no chance of the argument. I guess my performance at breakfast--both mornings--convinced him I was trying not to work so hard. And the fact that I managed to pull him into the office during the afternoon, for a quickie. Apparently, although I couldn't remember, it wasn't something I did. But Al didn't put up much of a fuss.

The hologram didn't show up much, and I couldn't blame him. I had no idea what was going on with the me in the Waiting Room, but I could only hope Al was getting some small measure of comfort out of having me there. And once I leaped, he would be spared the pain and uncertainty he'd lived with since that fateful night.

At least, I tried to tell myself it was enough, that it was indeed a gift for Al. 'Tried' was the operative word...

I was sitting in my office, staring at the clock. It was almost six. Everyone was getting ready to go home for the night; Al would be leaving for the party shortly. Me, I'd be alone to face my fate once again.

The door whooshed open, and Al stepped inside. He was dressed already; the sight of him right then was almost too much to bear. The last time...last time I'll be able to touch him...

I got up and came around the desk, taking him in my arms almost desperately.

"Hey," he complained in a soft voice, "don't wrinkled the threads. So, how do I look?"

"No one could resist you," I told him, trying to keep up the act. It wasn't easy. I wanted to beg him to stay with me, to find a way that I could stay with him. I'd originally taken that first step alone; now, even knowing how it turned out, I was more of a frightened little boy than the scientist who'd lived for exploring the unknown.

"The only one I care about not being able to resist me, is you. Can you resist me, Sam?" he asked.

I shook my head, unable to speak.

Al nodded, satisfied with the answer. "I got a half hour yet before I have to leave. Let's take a walk."

Al took my hand as we left the Project building and walked across the desert. There was a nice sunset, and we stood watching the planes from White Sands Missile Range in the distance.

"Wonder what the army's doing?" Al mused.

I shrugged, distracted with my task of soaking up my last few moments with Al.

"I wanted to talk to you before I left," he told me.

"What about?" I asked nervously.

"About what's going on with you."

"What do you mean?" I played dumb, already knowing it for the futile effort it was. Al always could read me like a book; it was possible only his anger prevented him from sensing what I was planning the first time. Another point of guilt for him, I realized.

"You know what I mean. You're acting weird. Listen," he said, taking my shoulders in his hands. "I know you're worried about the funding. Hell, so am I. But I'll get it for you, I promise. Have I ever let you down?"

"No," I said sincerely into those eyes.

"And I never will, Sammy--never. So do me a favor?"

I knew what he was going to ask. I couldn't let him say it, something in me would shatter if he did. So I said it for him. "Don't do anything stupid while you're gone?"

Al nodded. "I'll be home early. We can--"

I put my fingers to his mouth to silence him, shaking my head. "We have to talk, Al."

We sat there on a boulder and talked, while the sky turned purple, then dark, around us.

"I have something to tell you," I began. He waited, giving me time until I could speak again. "You've always believed me, no matter how crazy I sounded to everyone else. I...I really need you to believe in me now."

"I do," he vowed quietly, resting a hand on my knee.

"You'd better listen to what I have to say first," I warned. "Al, I--I'm not who you think I am--exactly."

"Just tell me what you're talking about," Al said impatiently.

I took a deep breath. "The Accelerator will work. I know because I leaped here from the future."

Al's eyes narrowed. "What?" he said sharply.

"Hear me out. The me who was with you, is in the Waiting Room in the future. I leaped back here." When I saw his look of skepticism, I pressed my point. "You know our Accelerator will work, don't you?" He nodded. "Then why should it be so hard to believe?"

Al stared at me, for a long time. "I want to believe you," he finally said slowly. "Because I don't want to believe you'd tell me a lie like that, just to get your own way."

I smiled the special smile I suddenly remembered I'd always reserved for him. "Have I ever needed to resort to lying to get my way with you?"

"No," he conceded, smiling back.

"I leaped in when we were...making love," I said, blushing slightly. "Isn't that when I started 'acting weird?'"

Al thought about it, and I could almost see his quick mind turning things over. "Okay, let's say you're right. Why are you here?" He continued before I had a chance to respond. "Something happened?" he snagged the essence on his own. "Something went wrong that you came here to fix?" There was worried concern in his voice.

I grinned, glad of at least some good news in this whole mess. "You may find this hard to believe, but I was here to prevent you and I from having a big fight about my working too hard."

"Actually, I can believe that," he said, a bit reproachfully. "So this marvelous transformation isn't real? You're going home and I'll be stuck with Mr. Workaholic again?" As soon as it was out, he looked chagrined, possibly misinterpreting my reaction to his comment about getting the other me back. "I'm sorry, that didn't come out exactly the way I--I mean--"

"Al--" I stopped him. "There's more," I added gravely.

"With you, there's always more."

"Originally, I...I leaped tonight, while you were at the party."

He looked at me... I'll never forget that moment, or his face, for as long as I live, Swiss cheesing or not.

"I'm sorry, Al," I whispered.

"I take it you're not planning on changing that one," he said, very calmly, but I wasn't fooled by his demeanor.

"I can't," I said, voice cracking. "I have to go."

"Then everything worked out okay?" he asked. I didn't answer. "Sam!"

"I'm...stuck leaping around. The retrieval program doesn't work." This was the part that would get even harder for Al to believe.

"I thought you said you came here to prevent us from arguing?!"

I nodded. "I didn't say I sent myself here."

"Then who the hell did?" he demanded.

"Oh boy..." I mumbled, remembering that it had taken Al awhile to believe Ziggy's theory, _after_ I was leaping. "I don't really know. All I know is something or someone has been leaping me around to...to fix things. Help people's lives, put right what once went wrong," I continued, sounding dumb to my own ears.

I stared down at my feet, at the dirty Reebok's that were once white, the favorite sneakers I hadn't worn in what seemed like forever. Then I gazed around me, at the home I hadn't seen in forever. "Ziggy said I leaped in here to stop us from arguing so...so you wouldn't feel as bad when I left," I finished, realizing how inadequate that sounded.

"You're telling me you're going to step into the Accelerator tonight and out of my life?" Al asked brusquely. He'd been like that, in this timeline. He didn't pull punches. "For how long?" he demanded. "Do you even know?"

I winced. "Believe me, I don't want to leave you," I felt the tears starting, tried to hold them back. "But if I stay, the people I helped won't get a second chance... I don't even know if staying is an option," I admitted. "I don't think it's in the rules." How I longed to test that theory.

Al held his head in his hands, rubbing briskly at his scalp. Then he looked up at me again, staring hard into my eyes. "This is really the truth?"

I met the gaze, let his reach into my soul and pull up the answer. Eventually, our trust in each other won out. He slipped his hand into mine, squeezing. "Tell me everything," he demanded in a gentle voice.

I told him about the leaps, about the good we'd done. The lives that would be ruined if we weren't there to help. Al knew me, knew I couldn't desert all those people. And I knew him, neither could he.

When I was through, Al was quiet for a moment. "You couldn't make all that up," he said in a rough voice. "God, I wish you had..."

Our gazed locked, and we spoke without words. He put his arm around me and drew me close, as we shared the pain in the last fading moments of the dying sunset.

"I don't want to strand all those people," I told him. "But...I couldn't leave like I did the first time. You have a right to be involved in the decision. Like it should have been," I added guiltily. "I'm sorry, Al."

"It's okay. It never happened," he said with forced brightness.

"What are we gonna do," I moaned.

"You're gonna do what you have to," Al told me quietly.

I looked at him, as the tears began rolling down my cheeks. He wiped them away with a finger. "And I'll be there by your side. Thank you for that," he whispered, before our lips met.

Love welled up in me, stronger than I'd ever felt in my life, and I knew I'd never be able to love anyone as much as Al, no matter what the timeline.

"I'll always love you," I whispered, then we kissed again.

We didn't make love that night...it would have been too painful. I wouldn't have had the strength to leave, and Al wouldn't have been able to let me go. We shared some more private time, said some things to each other that should have been said before.

We went back inside. Al canceled his plans for the party in Albuquerque and gave Gooshie the night off. Then we set about putting the final steps in motion. When we were done, we went into the Control Room.

Together.

XXX

My hands were shaking. Not with fear, with regret. Al watched in silence as I fumbled with the controls, tricked Ziggy into overriding the safety margins. I wondered where my hologram was. He said he'd be there, but I really couldn't blame him if he stayed away. And maybe it would be better for all concerned. Bad enough I had to do this in front of one Al...two would be twice as hard.

The hologram did show after all, his manner not what I would have thought. He looked...expectant, even hopeful. I put it down to approval of how things worked out, and maybe even excitement at being there to share this moment...like he should have been.

"You told me," my hologram began in pleasant surprise, eyes slightly misty. "That was..."

"It's okay," I smiled at them both.

"There's a real good chance it will be," the future Al agreed, brightening even more. "Sam, in about..." he glanced at the handlink, "fifteen seconds, we're going to try retrieval."

"Retrieval?" I asked in amazement, as the corporeal Al looked from me to the empty space I was talking to suspiciously.

The hologram of Al winked at me. "Well, I always did say, if anybody could figure out a way to bring you home, it would be you."

I opened my mouth to speak, as the leap began.

**the end**

3/30/93


End file.
